PEACE with Anxiety Podcast Episode 25
Do you want to know what does High-Functioning Anxiety look like in Motherhood? Join me in this episode to recognise the signs of high-functioning anxiety and how they may manifest in your daily life as a mom. We are covering perfectionism and over-scheduling, constant worry and overthinking, difficulty asking for help, unhelpful coping mechanisms and withdrawal from social activities. We also talk about the positive traits of high-functioning anxiety and how they make you an even more amazing mom.
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Important Announcement: The Shift in Focus
Over the past few months, I’ve had the incredible opportunity to connect with many of you—especially moms who are navigating the challenges of high-functioning anxiety while managing the demands of motherhood. Through our conversations, it has become clear to me that this is a unique and often overlooked area of need. And the more I listened, the more I realized how crucial it was to provide personalised support and resources for moms experiencing high-functioning anxiety. That’s why I have decided to shift the focus of my practice and this podcast to better support you—high-achieving moms who are doing it all and feeling the weight of anxiety behind the scenes.
Being a mom is one of the most rewarding roles in the world, but it can also be incredibly demanding and stressful. When you add high-functioning anxiety into the mix, it can feel overwhelming. You’re striving to be the best mom you can be, juggling countless responsibilities, and often putting immense pressure on yourself to maintain a perfect front.
I see you, I hear you, and I understand the unique challenges you face. My goal is to create a supportive space where we can explore these challenges together and find practical solutions that help you feel calm, confident, and in control of your mind and body and create balance in your life.
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High-functioning anxiety can be particularly tricky to identify because, on the outside, everything may seem fine, even perfect. But beneath that calm exterior, there can be a storm full of worries, self-doubt, and a relentless strive for perfection.
It is important to note that if you notice that you relate to one or more of these or even all of them, that is not a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with you, and they don’t make you any less of an amazing mom. This blog and this podcast are all about bringing awareness to your thoughts, feelings and actions, validating your experience and providing practical strategies to help ease the overwhelming impact of anxiety so that you can still be you, and provide for your family, support them while at the same time you lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.
1. Perfectionism and Over-Scheduling
A key characteristic of high-functioning anxiety in moms is perfectionism and over-scheduling. Many moms with high-functioning anxiety strive for perfection in every aspect of their lives—parenting, work, career, household management, and personal appearance. You are dedicated to being the best mom you can be, and you set very high standards for yourself in every aspect of your life.
Every morning, you probably wake up before everyone else, to prepare a healthy, home-cooked breakfast for your family. You ensure your kids’ lunches are perfectly balanced with nutritious foods, cutting their sandwiches into fun shapes and maybe even including handwritten notes for each of them. You take great care of your children’s appearance, making sure their clothes are always clean, ironed, and coordinated. You also maintain a meticulously clean and organized home. You might feel compelled to vacuum every day, keep surfaces spotless, and ensure that every toy is in its designated place by the end of the day. Any minor mess or change in the plan can make you feel anxious and as though you’re failing in your role.
In addition to the household responsibilities, yours and their schedule are likely packed, filling every moment with activities and responsibilities to maintain a sense of control and productivity. Your day might be filled with numerous activities to keep your children engaged and stimulated. Perhaps you sign them up for swimming lessons, piano classes, and soccer practice—believing that this will help them develop well-rounded skills and keep them ahead of their peers. Your calendar is likely filled with playdates, volunteer commitments at your kids' school, and family events. You also make time for your job, working late into the night after your kids are asleep to ensure you meet all your deadlines and exceed expectations at work as well.
Now on the other side all the amazing things you do, you often feel exhausted and overwhelmed, but you might brush off these feelings, believing that you just need to try a little bit harder. And despite your outward appearance of having everything under control, you often feel a constant sense of inadequacy. You worry that you’re not doing enough for your children, for your home and that you’re not performing well at work. So, this internal pressure and lack of self-compassion can lead to burnout, leaving you more physically and emotionally drained.
2. Constant Worry and Overthinking
It’s not unusual to find yourself consumed by thoughts about your children’s well-being, development, and future. You might find yourself waking up each morning with a sense of dread, already thinking about all the potential challenges your kid might face that day. You worry about their health, planning their meal to ensure it meet all nutritional guidelines. You might obsess over whether they’re eating enough vegetables, getting the right vitamins, and avoiding of course any potential allergens.
Your worries are likely to extend to their safety as well. When your child walks to school, you might feel constant anxiety about their safety. You might check your phone repeatedly, anxiously awaiting a message confirming they’ve arrived safely at school. You find yourself overthinking small decisions, such as whether to allow your kid to go to a friend’s birthday party. You worry about the social dynamics, the food that will be served, and even the games they might play. Imagine various worst-case scenarios, from your child feeling left out to getting hurt, and that can make it difficult for you to make any decisions.
And at night, your mind might get overwhelmed with these worst-case scenarios. You imagine your child struggling academically, being bullied at school, or facing health issues. Even when your child is doing well, you might find it hard to shake off these fears, and always anticipate what could go wrong next. Internally you may feel exhausted and on the edge, and this constant state of anxiety makes it challenging to enjoy the present moment with your kid.
3. People-Pleasing and Inability to Relax
Another common trait is a strong desire to meet the expectations of others. This can make it hard to say no, leading to taking on too many commitments and putting your own needs last. You might find yourself, being the go-to person in your family or neighbourhood. Perhaps you volunteer at your children’s school, coordinate community events or family events, and are always ready to babysit for friends in need. Saying no to requests for help feels almost impossible, as you don’t like disappointing others and being seen as uncaring. These people-pleasing tendencies mean that your schedule is constantly filled with commitments, leaving little time to no time for yourself. Even when you’re exhausted, you feel compelled to say yes to additional requests. You believe that by being there for everyone else, you’re fulfilling your role as a good mom and friend.
And when you finally have a moment to yourself, relaxing might feel like an impossible task. Your mind races with thoughts about what needs to be done next. You worry about whether you have met everyone's expectations and needs, and if you have forgotten any important tasks. Even during family time, being fully present can be challenging. You might be physically there, playing with your kids or watching a movie, but your mind is elsewhere—planning the next day’s activities, thinking about upcoming commitments, thinking about work, thinking about family and worrying about what you might have missed.
You might feel constantly stretched thin, you may have difficulty finding joy in your daily activities and connecting deeply with your own needs and desires. This difficulty in relaxing can also affect your sleep. So you might lie awake at night, replaying the day’s events and worrying about the next day, which makes your anxiety worse and leaves you feeling even more depleted.
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4. Physical Symptoms
Despite these challenges with high-functioning anxiety, you appear highly capable and successful, in managing your household, career, and children’s activities efficiently. But this doesn’t mean you are struggling any less. You might find yourself waking up with tension headaches that linger throughout the day. Muscle tension, particularly in your neck and shoulders, could be a constant pain. Digestive issues, such as stomach aches and bloating, might flare up, especially when you’re particularly anxious or overwhelmed. Fatigue may be a regular presence, even though you get a reasonable amount of sleep each night. These physical symptoms are manifestations of high-functioning anxiety, but you might dismiss them as just part of being a busy mom.
Despite these challenges, you might appear to be thriving. Perhaps you excel at your work, consistently receiving praise for your performance and dedication. You manage your household with the same level of efficiency, ensuring that your children are well cared for and that their schedules run smoothly. Your kids might be involved in various activities, and you are proud to be an active and engaged parent. From the outside, you seem to have it all together. You attend every school meeting and maintain a spotless home. Friends and colleagues might often comment on how impressed they are by your ability to balance everything so seamlessly. However, beneath the surface, you might be struggling. The constant pressure to perform at a high level in all areas of your life takes a significant toll on your mental and emotional health. You often push through overwhelm and exhaustion because you believe that's what you’re supposed to do. You feel a need to prove yourself, both at work and home.
5. Difficulty Asking for Help
You might feel a deep-seated fear of being judged by society if you do so ask for help. The pressure to be a 'supermom' is massive, and there’s a societal expectation that you should be able to handle everything on your own with grace and ease. You worry that reaching out for support will make others see you as weak, incapable or a "bad" mom. So you often work late into the night, sacrificing sleep, sacrificing personal time, and social connections to ensure everything gets done. You feel that immense pressure to prove that you can handle it all, even when you’re overwhelmed.
6. Coping Mechanisms
High-functioning anxiety may lead you to adopt certain coping mechanisms. You might find your days packed from morning to night. So to keep up with your demanding schedule, you might rely heavily on caffeine. Start your day with multiple cups of coffee and continue throughout the day thinking that is going to help you stay alert and focused. To manage your stress, you might often immerse yourself in work while your kid’s at school, using it as a way to distract yourself from your worries. Additionally, you might occasionally turn to overeating to ease your anxiety. You might often skip meals and grab unhealthy, convenient snacks because you’re too busy to prepare nutritious food for yourself even though you do it for everyone else. You might feel guilty to take time for yourself or do anything for yourself convinced that you should always be doing something for someone else.
7. Social Withdrawal
You might be known for your busy schedule. You work full-time, or you have a side business, you are active in your children's school lives, and manage the household. And despite your busy life, you might often feel overwhelmed and drained by social interactions. And as a result, you begin to withdraw from social events and friendships. Maybe you used to enjoy meeting friends for coffee. However, the anxiety makes you feel exhausted by the end of the day, so you start staying at home more often. You worry about being judged or not living up to others' expectations if you share your struggles which makes you more reluctant to go out. And when you do, you might feel a constant sense of unease. You keep thinking about how you’re being seen whether you’re saying the right things, and how other people see you.
Positive Traits in Moms with High-Functioning Anxiety
While high-functioning anxiety presents many challenges, it also drives several positive traits. Your anxiety pushes you to be extremely reliable. You might be the person everyone can count on, whether it’s your children, your family, your friends or your coworkers. You never miss a deadline, always follow through on your commitments, and doctor’s appointments and you are known for your dependability. You pay close attention to detail and strive for excellence in everything you do. Whether you’re planning a birthday party for your child or preparing a presentation for work, your meticulous nature ensures that everything is well-organized and executed flawlessly. Your anxiety also fosters a strong sense of responsibility and empathy. As a mom, you are deeply attuned to your kid’s needs and emotions. You’re proactive in addressing their concerns, fears, and worries, ensuring they feel supported and understood. Your empathy extends to others as well, making you a compassionate partner, friend and coworker who is always ready to lend an ear or offer assistance.
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Important Links
🔗 Join our Facebook group! PEACE with Anxiety: Heal High-Functioning Anxiety Support Group
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Have more questions about High-Functioning Anxiety in motherhood?
Apply for a 30-minute FREE Anxiety Relief Call to explore working with me as a private client https://www.ireneevangeloutherapy.com/free-anxiety-relief-call
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All content here is for informational purposes only. This content does not replace the professional judgment of your own mental health provider. Please consult a licensed mental health professional for all individual questions and issues.
